oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Floor bacon is actually really good
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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