The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
