So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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