sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
tell me about the fingering
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