Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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