I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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