Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
