I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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