i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
