I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
