Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize