you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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