Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
