Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
