I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
How's work?
Spinning.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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