I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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