I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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