I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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