and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
