dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
