can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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