I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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