just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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