Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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