I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
