thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
