Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
