when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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