I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You dont lie about slip and slides
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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