nut hugger
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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