I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
