wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
