First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
