True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
