1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
it's like iHOP with fire
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
