i was born a porn star she said
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos