I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.