she looked like the bat from fern gully.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
