The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed