I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
