i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
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If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.