A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
