I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
