I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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