On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
even my farts smell like vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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