He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
