meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
