My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
