no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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