I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
