last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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