Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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