Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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