So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
