So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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