I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
