good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
