holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
