I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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