if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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