Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize