What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize