There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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