I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize