The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So apparently I’m into choking now
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
