Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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