Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
