Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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