No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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