it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
