I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I am mentally ready for anal.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
