oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize