i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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